I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
