So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
