If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
