Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
