I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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