Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
