if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
