Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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