You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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