The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
