Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
