She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
