I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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