did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You're like the curious george of whores
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
