perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
