He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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