I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
