Cold hands, warm shart.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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