i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
