You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
