I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
