I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
handjob tips. give me some.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And then the night went full on bisexual.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
