Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i out mim tonsoeep
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
