those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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