Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
