NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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