Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
