U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
