i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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