I can text with my tongue
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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