How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
