you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
