Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
