I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
