Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
