I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
