We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Watching her eat just hurts me
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Randomize
