ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
