thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
