Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
is it fun? or sober?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
