I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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