I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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