When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
