i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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