You smell like a Billy Joel song
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
