bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
