god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
