How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
