really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
