fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
