remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
