just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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