His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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